365 Project: 2011

Thursday, August 25, 2011

From Your Child

Oh Mother, My Mother

I touch your tears

Invisible fingers

Soothing your skin

I know you think of me often

In the day, in the night

In your dreams

Going into a empty nursery

Knowing I'll never be there

But I am... In your heart

In your soul, I shall always be

For you gave so unselfishly

Of yourself

Inside of you, you created

Such a world for me

A world of laughter, of love

Of sadness, of sorrow

Every emotion people come to know

You shared with me.

And even though I may never

Feel your arms around me.

I felt your heart beating

Like a lullaby, singing me to sleep

And your spirit giving me a safe haven

Already protecting me

Nurturing me

Preparing me for things to come

But sometimes the Journey

Of life pulls souls apart

And Yes, I had to go on

To another place

I wish I could stay

I wish this was a decision

I could make

And I know you do to

Know this... Wherever you are....

I will always remember

That yours was the first love

The first joy, the first soul

I will ever know

You gave me the courage to

go on in my journey

I hope I can do the same for you

Your heart beat will always

Call me to you

Love, Your Child.....

20 Things Parents of Angels Wish People Would Do/Say

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning him. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is that I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes, there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside of me.

8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it's my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is that it may get easier with time but I will never be "over this".

12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasn't a real baby and it was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby was a human life. He had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was a real person.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day my baby was delivered are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you would understand that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to "normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs and values. Please try to get to know the real me --- maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me to have another baby. The truth is that I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace her. Babies aren't interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you do.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me.

19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's nature's way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand that what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say it it happens to me again?

Monday, June 6, 2011

Something Wonderful Happened to Me!!!

Thursday, Chris had an outpatient procedure done to numb a nerve in his back and had to be put under general anesthesia.

When I brought him home, I put him in the bed and he fell straight to sleep. I decided to clean up since I was having a rummage sale on Saturday. I was getting a little sleepy, so I decided that I would take a nap. I can't remember the last time I took a nap. At night, I always have to watch TV to fall asleep, but when I take naps, I don't watch anything.

The moment I put my head on the pillow, I started hearing noises that I have never heard before. It sounded as if the TV was on a talk show channel. I thought for sure Chris woke up and was watching something on his Ipad or turned on the TV. I looked over, and he was sound asleep.

I laid my head back down and continued to hear laughter, clapping and muffled voices. I sat up again, a little freaked out. Now, I have sleeping problems, and if I am trying to take a nap, it takes me at least 20-30 minutes for me to even fall asleep, so I was very conscience, and had JUST laid down. After a few minutes of more muffled noises, all of a sudden I heard a little girl's voice say, "I'm sleepy." It was clear as day. I sat straight up again with chills all over me. I can't explain it, but I KNOW it was Hudson. I would be willing to bet my life on it. She sounded like she was around 2 years old (the age Hudson would have been). I was ecstatic!

I decided to lie back down with my eyes open this time, and I immediately heard her ask, "How's my Daddy?" I never saw her; I just heard her. Then, I never heard anything else. All of the noises disappeared. I never got to nap because I was overwhelmed with happiness. I wasn't on any kind of mind-altering drugs or sick.

I sometimes feel her presence and feel like she sends me signs, but I never experienced something so strong and so incredibly real. I have had dreams about her several times. It seems that I was tapped in to some sort of paranormal activity whenever I heard the clapping, laughter, etc.

My mother really does have a sixth sense. She has encountered several spirits in her lifetime, and my mother wouldn't lie. She is one of the most honest people I have ever known. Knowing that, I have begged Hudson to show herself to me for two years now, which has never happened, but that day I heard her voice, I thought that maybe I do have some sort of a sixth sense. I hope that it happens again because it was one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.

I told my mother about this, and she thinks that mine and Hudson's love is so strong that she is always showing me signs to let me know that she is always around, and on that particular day, she wanted me to hear her.

Chris has felt her presence on many occasions also. He feels like she is always laughing at him for being so silly. :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day/Hudson's Birthday

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Quit

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot physically continue with the Project 365 Project. :( I didn't even last two full months.

I will continue to blog sporadically and post pics, but there's no way I have the time to take a picture every day and then upload it every day.

Since the beginning of February, the least amount of clients that I have had in one day is four; the most being EIGHT! That is equivalent to a 4-8 hour workout 5 days a week! My arms and legs are definitely starting to tone!! :) I barely even get on my computer anymore unless I am using my Ipad. Hell, I couldn't tell you the last time I actually checked my e-mail. When I get home, all I feel like doing is hanging out with Chris, eating, watching a movie and then going to bed.

I am so lucky to have found the job that I did. I absolutely love it, and I am starting to get my own regular clients! The money is far more than I ever expected, and we are actually able to put a substantial amount of my check into savings! Free manicures, pedicures, hair cut/color, facials, spray tan and waxing is also a huge perk!! I am so glad that I don't sit in front of a computer anymore like I did when I was a medical transcriptionist. I realize what a boring, underpaying and isolating job that was.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

February 17, 2011

The spa got their new Aveda spring collection colors in this week, so I decided I wanted to get purple highlights!

February 16, 2011

Chris and I went to eat at Dickey's BBQ, and afterwards we went to Petco to get Xander some new food. I just decided to take a pic of this little chinchilla.

February 15, 2011

Full moon!

February 14, 2011

I told Chris not to get me anything for Valentine's Day but, of course, he did anyway! :)

February 13, 2011

Cashew Chicken from Takrai Tai Cuisine- SO good!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

February 12, 2011

I didn't take this picture; I found it on the web, but this is what I have been doing ALL day!

February 11, 2011

Nothing like a little Manson to lift your spirits!

February 10, 2011

The snow still lingers...

February 9, 2011

Kyle, Carissa and Kaden came over at around 6 p.m. and by the time they pulled up, the ground was covered in snow! I am beginning to despise snow, sleet and ice, but I took pictures anyway. I just wish I would have taken pics of Kaden! :(

February 8, 2011

I pulled a muscle in my lower back, and had to go to the doctor. :(

February 7, 2011

This is my addiction- I come home and get on Netflix! When I am off on Mondays, I lie in the bed all day and watch old movies! Best thing ever!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

February 6, 2011

Super Bowl!!!!!! Chris and I just stayed in and enjoyed each other's company. We had a great day!!! I really don't have any Super Bowl related pics, so I am just using a picture of my absolute favorite TV show, House, M.D. This is actually an app on my Ipad, so I just took a really quick picture of the screen while it was loading. It's a pretty neat-looking picture, even though I am petrified of clowns. Dr. House pulls it off very well, though

February 5, 2011

I bought Chris tickets to the Hornets/Lakers game for Christmas, and he and his friends loaded up and headed to New Orleans. They had an awesome time! I am glad that he enjoyed himself, since he has been obsessed with Kobe Bryant since I have known him.

I, on the other hand, stayed at home and watched movies all night. Friday and Saturday, I was booked both days ALL day long doing massages. I really love when we're busy. Massage not only helps my clients relax, but it also helps me too. I think I am getting used to staying extremely busy at work, even though I am worn out when I get home and don't really feel like doing anything except crawling in the bed.

I have to admit, I missed Chris like crazy because it seems like the week was a huge blur, and I barely got to spend any time with him.

February 4, 2011

This is the only toy that my dog hasn't completely demolished!!!

February 3, 2011

Another wintry mix of sleet and snow. The spa closed a couple of hours early!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Angry

Last night, I had to find out that my sister died via FACEBOOK. I saw the news at about 10 PM last night. She had passed away in Las Vegas about 15 minutes prior. I really wasn't expecting to get a phone call, as I knew it was late and I know my neice and nephew were upset. I did, however, expect my parents to get a call. She was my half sister; we shared the same father. My dad did not and still has NOT been contacted. My mother also had to read this tragic news on FB.

My parents received a call from Terri's stepfather last week. He told them that she had stage IV cirrhosis of the liver, which had begun to affect her brain. He asked them to pay for the funeral expenses, which they would have gladly done anyway without anyone having to ask. He also BLOCKED his phone number so, apparently, nobody could contact him. He assured my parents that he would keep them up-to-date.

Update: My parents' finally talked to my neice's friend (Chelsey was not emotionally able to talk to anyone concerning her mother). According to her friend, Chelsey decided that she wants Terri cremated. They will spread her ashes in San Diego (where she grew up) at a place that she always loved. Still NO word from Terri's stepdad. He is a complete piece of shit, in my opinion!!!!!!!

Rest in peace my beautiful sister. I love you!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

February 2, 2011

Camera charger came in the mail!! I can now use my other camera!

February 1, 2011

Today I was told some heartbreaking news about my sister, Terri, who lives in Vegas. I didn't take a picture, but thought I would share a Celtic sister symbol.

January 31, 2011

Xander's paw prints on Chris' shirt!

January 30, 2011

In my bed at my parents' house watching the massive TV.

January 29, 2011

January 28, 2011

I really wanted Dickey's for lunch, but the line inside was about 20 miles long, and they wouldn't accept call-in orders AND the drive thru wasn't working. I was so mad!!

January 27, 2011

My Shellac French tips.

January 26, 2011

I forgot to stop and get breakfast, so I had to settle on this...

January 25, 2011

My co-workers taking a breather!

January 24, 2011

The aftermath of the slam. I forgot to mention that it ricocheted off of my dresser and then hit the floor. :(

January 23, 2011

My dessert- Now and Laters!!

January 22, 2011

Me wearing Chris' PJs.

January 21, 2011

My Shark steam mop that I stole from my sister while playing Dirty Santa. I LOVE it!!!

January 20, 2011

Holly berries that are in front of Pampered Bodies.

January 19, 2011

I sliced my thumb on a pair of scissors! I had to use super glue on the cut while doing massages! :(

Broken Camera

I just thought I would update as to why I have not been posting pictures every day. My camera was in my purse, and I placed my purse on top of my entertainment center, as I was trying to keep it away from Xander. Forgetting it was there and thinking that the straps of it were Chris' work belt, I slammed it it to the ground, breaking just about everything in my purse, including my camera. :(

Luckilly, I have still been taking pictures, but they have been on my cellphone. There were a couple of pics that I had taken before the incident.

It was a good thing that this was our back-up camera, and not the more expensive one. The reason I haven't been using the more expensive one is because I lost the battery charger. I have since ordered the charger, and it FINALLY came in today. I am about to post all the pics now, although, they are pretty boring and the quality is horrible. Oh well!